♥ My Testimony ♥
I grew up in with a family that believed God, but never attended church, read the bible, worshipped Jesus or talked about religion ….ever.
At 9 ½ years old, we moved from Chicago to Frankfort, which was difficult at the time because we went from “city” life to farmland USA! In that move, which I didn’t understand at the time, God planted me in a class and a town that had two Christian girls (and families) that befriended me, and brought me to church; at 11 years old I received the Lord as my Savior.
Though it was not easy as I grew up in a home that didn’t like church or hearing anything about the Lord. I continued my childlike faith. When I married my husband, who was a practicing Catholic, I was naïve to think he would just come around to my faith and belief, not realizing at the time the depths of how unequally yoked we were. God still had us in the palm of His hand.
Our first baby died at birth, the umbilical cord was around his neck. It was at that time, I was 21, I held that precious baby, grasping for answers, and asking God why things happened the way they did, but in my heart, mind and soul, I said to the Lord, yet though I wonder why it had to happen, my life is in Your hands. Do what you need to do in and through me?
My husband’s faith taught him that we had to pray this baby through purgatory, which I had never heard of at the time, and I almost lost a gourd or two when my husband said that to me, I sat up in the hospital bed, even though I was tired and exhausted, and said this baby IS in the hands of Jesus and God would never just send a baby to an unknown place to see if we will do something about it. His response was the baby was not baptized so he couldn’t go to Heaven. My response was how God loves children so very much, and that I was assured by what the Bible says throughout it, that our baby was secure in the arms of Jesus. This opened up more dialogue about the Bible. He was seeking answers from His Word.
My husband, at that point, which I was just too naïve to realize it, watched my security in the Lord. I must say, I was really still very much a baby Christian. I really did not know the Bible well at that time, only what limited teaching I had since I was not able growing up to attend church regularly. Yet, God gave me such peace and assurance throughout this period of time.
We had another baby two years later, healthy and strong. Then got pregnant two years after that had twins, which went into a premature delivery, six weeks early. Doctors came in the evening after they were born, and told me in my grogginess, that both babies probably wouldn’t live. In my half sleep I thought to myself, no way! (I was so incredibly excited and happy to have had twins).
I did question God at this point, how and why would he take my sweet baby twins? In the process of the babies being in intensive care, Mark, the smaller of the two, had no brain activity, and his organs were too underdeveloped to live, so at three days old, he was taken off life support. Michael was a fighter, and continued to grow slowly, stayed in the hospital for four months. Once again, as we prepared a funeral service for Mark, my husband watched me, even as difficult as it was to understand “why” this would happen, not only again, but I wanted these twins so much. I knew for sure one thing: God was in control, and for whatever reason, we had to go through this process yet again.
Throughout the years my husband and I had many discussions on the Bible, God, assurance of why I was so sure of what I believed about it all. He “seemed” to never quite ‘get it”.
At the 18-year mark of he and I being together, I was at a really frustrated point in our life. I remember still exactly where I was in my house, when I said to the Lord (in a bit of a tantrum fit I must admit), telling the Lord that I was tired of Brian not being saved, and that I was “finished” trying” to make it happen. I was DONE! God you have to DO something with him, or else! (Which was either bold or stupid, yet I knew I was gearing towards letting go – to let GOD take the reigns).
I literally dusted my self off from trying to “fix” it. I had come to the point of really letting it go, for God to do what HE needed to do through my husband.
A few weeks later, my kids and I were coming home from church (Son Light club), the boys were hyper and all full of energy after the activities and such. The only light in our house came from the TV. Brian was lying on the couch, remote in hand, watching Jan Crouch. Now I must say three things here: first he HATED ALL tv preachers, he often said how goofy they were, and they were all money hungry. Secondly, he was awake, able to change channels at any moment, and he normally was fast asleep by that time of the night. Thirdly, I was not a fan of TBN, or Jan’s, at the time (just being honest). BUT, I am sure of one thing; Jan reminded Brian of his mom, with the foofy hair, and makeup, they were much the same in that respect.
My heart and mind were jumping with joy, because Jan was saying the sinner’s prayer. To my self I was saying, OH GOD, thank you!!! The boys will get to bed, and I can get my bible out, and sit with Brian and go through the whole salvation thing together. My mind was racing!
In those few seconds, as I was so certain “I” was going to go through the bible, salvation and assure Brian of what he had just done; but the Lord spoke to me as audibly as can be (I had never at that point heard His voice… ever), Donna, I have it. Go on your way and let me take care of it.
Well, I surely wasn’t going to just leave it alone, and inside me, I was pretty much arguing with the Lord, throwing a huge 2 year old tantrum fit! Again, as clear as day, He spoke to me, once more with the same utterance, and again I was like NO!!!! I have waited a long time for this moment; I want to be part of it!!!!!
Yet, He spoke to me again, very clearly this time: … Be still Donna, and KNOW that I am God. I have it.
Very reluctantly, I left… and got the kids to bed, and waited, just sure that Brian would come to bed and want to talk about it. Nothing. So I thought maybe the next day. Nope. No conversation. So I just waited, day after day. No conversation.
Two weeks went by, it was a beautiful spring day, Brian died in a car accident.
One thing I know for sure is that God assured me that Brian was saved. Gods voice was so very clear to me that night that I was to be still and KNOW He IS God. That is my life verse to this day.
I never in my life had as much peace than I did throughout the whole ordeal. Difficult? Yes. Comfort and peace? Absolutely. God IS in control, and I knew that for sure, and who am I to argue? Did I have questions? You better believe it!
For about 18 months after Brian died, the Lord was so very merciful in showing me things that occurred in my life from the past. He would bring me to a memory or a situation, to show me how all these things affect another, sort of like connect the dots. One assurance he showed me, was that with the death of my babies, Brian watched, observed my peace and confidence in the Lord, the Bible and my relationship with Him. Which in the end brought him to the place that he gave his life to the Lord. This I know for sure, with no doubts.
I know life is one day at a time. With each trial, if we let Him be the guide will bring us a testimony, that may affect someone else’s life, perhaps bringing them to salvation. We must be a living testimony to God’s glory, and to his plan. We serve such a Mighty God.
Life has many curve balls, struggles, tests and trials, but with God, anything is possible. But as we say Yes to God, is how amazing and wonderful He really is. His promises to us, which are in the Bible, say Yes ~ and Amen! Will you fully trust Him today with your circumstances? He desires to be your Number One Source for life!
My life…. Is in His hands… always.
♥♥♥ Thanks for hearing the words of my testimony. May it bring hope, feel free to share with someone who may need encouragement. ♥♥♥
Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
Be still, and know that I am God:
“Do not call to mind the former things,
Or ponder things of the past.
“Behold, I will do something new,
Now it will spring forth;
Will you not be aware of it?
I will even make a roadway in the wilderness,
Rivers in the desert.
Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not
receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.”
Here is a great song by Steven Curtis Chapman, to reassure His faithfulness. We need to be still, and know He is truly the one and Only God! http://youtu.be/BgaHaioAjyg
2 responses to “Saving Grace”
Beautiful testimony of faith & trust. Thanks for sharing it.
My hope and prayer is that the testimony will touch someone’s life.