Sticky

God keeps me safe, not matter the chaos in life. I am safe. I am secure.

It is not by my works, but with a willingness to follow Him, I will be obedient.

He keeps me. Alive. Fulfilled. I lack for no good thing.

I will obey God in all I do.

He preserves me.

He has my life in His hands.

God is faithful. He holds me close to his bosom.

I will praise the Lord – with my soul.

I am faithful to God – because he has been faithful to me, before I was in my mothers womb.

I am purified by the Blood of Jesus. Whole. Blameless.

God has set me on secure ground, and on high places. He guards me with his angels, who go before me, keeping me safe.

God delivers me from evil.

Psalm 23

To this, I sing Praises to the King.

I say Yes and Amen to his promises.

Yes and Amen is what God says when I lean into HIS word and trust Him with all of me.

In these times of restlessness and evil bouts of hatred across the world. Sickness threatens our being by the organizations that may have an agenda.

But we stand secure. With God. We stand. No fear. Only live in Hope and Faith. We stand on His Word. We praise him in the storms of life. We pray without ceasing. We love God. We trust Him. We lean on him, and ask his wisdom for what to do. We love, even when it’s hard.

God, you know all things. We trust fully in your plan. No weapon formed against us shall prosper. We, your people have the land. It belongs to us, because you said you’d take it from the wicked and give to the righteous. We / I am your righteous child. I am yours. Imperfect, but holy, because of the blood of Jesus that lives in me.

I love you Jesus. I will lay my head down to sleep tonite, and rest in your arms, keeping me safe all the days of my life. You plan my moments. You are mine and I am yours. Praise Your holy name. I say this, trusting you bring me through like a shining star. Amen.

Verse mapping and diagraming scripture!
Sticky

DL Rudd - Author, Blogger, Artist, Life Coach, Photographer, Jesus girl, Mom and Friend.
DL (Donna), Author, Mom, coffee girl, Child of the Most High God, Life Coach, Photographer, Artist, blogger and traveler.

I’m a Life Coach, author, artist, photographer, and mixed media journalist, a Jesus girl that does her best to encourage others to rise up and live life to the fullest. I love God’s word, becauseHe’s perfecting me day by day, hour by hour and minute by minute.

Days can be hard, and fun, all at the same time. It’s finding the balance that peace reigns. Hope shines so God gets the glory.

Welcome to DL Designs

Photos By Design, is my photography and artwork, which is displayed in this blog and my PBD website. http://www.dbpbd.com and my art store

Oiled by Design, is Young Living products, which I sell, and absolutely believe have changed my life for the good http://www.youngliving.org/rudd717

Vida Designs are artwork of mine, (and other artists) created onto clothing and household items. https://shopvida.com/collections/donna-rudd

0677 Red rose 2013

It’s been hot, here in Chicago this summer.

Currently, we are in the middle of the summers heat; temperatures are well into the nineties. The warmth rises from the depths of the ground.

I’m looking at the plant on my patio, realizing that it needs water every day throughout the summer; although I’m not a gardener, I’ve heard enough about the necessity of watering and how it needs to be taken place in the early hours of the morning and/or in the evening.

http://www.dbpbd.com

The timeframe is important, because if you water in the heat of the day, you can scorch the roots.

This made me think of how watering our soul is needed. In the middle of a difficult situation we too can be scorched by the words of people.

Layering harsh words can make the soul dry when added to other difficult situations that may have happened previously.

It simply adds more pain to our scars.

Speak life Here’s a great song by Toby Mac.

The Bible tells us, kind words, in the right moment can build someone up. Much like watering flowers at the right time will flourish the blooms, so they will continue to grow and open up to be beautified.

Let the roots go deep as you are watered by the Word of God.

Dig in. Dig deep.

Let the struggles of life grow you like an oak tree that is solid in its foundation. It won’t be moved when a storm comes because you stand firm in the good times and in the bad times.

You are on the right track if you’re wondering if you need to redirect, that’s OK! Because sometimes the detours in life blossom into the deepest part of our soul. Let the struggles of life grow you like that oak tree and become solid in the soul of your foundation. You will not be moved.

Are you going through some struggles or a difficult time right now?

Know that I’m sending you words of encouragement right now. Speak life into yourself. How? By speaking God’s word into your mind and soul. Pray for God to fill you up. He will!

Remember, God loves you right where you’re at. Even if you’re in the midst of the deepest darkest pit of your life, he’s with you and he loves you and he wraps his arms around you like a Daddy would.

You have life to the fullest, my friend.

Below is a set of scriptures that talk about speaking life, and the power of the tongue. I hope you will grab your journal, or a pad of paper. Take an hour and pray as you read the scriptures — write them out. Let God heal you from past words spoken over you.

I’d love to hear back from you to let me know how the healing power of Christ has helped you!

I sit at the table this morning, the screen door open to enjoy fresh air. I’m listening to the birds sing and fluttering all around. It’s was a late start to spring, and now summer is near end. The promise of green will be turning shades of orange soon. The weather forces us to be patient, appreciate and stop to smell the roses.

Listening to the sounds of nature is and can be relaxing. My thoughts brought me to the current chaos in our world and community. Corona Virus/ C19, has brought out the worst in people. Yet some folks are kinder and softer spoken as we either use our fight or flight mechanisms, to realize we have to wait this one out. But for how long? We do not know. Will the stuff hit the fan until January 2021, after the elections are over? Will it end by summer… or fall? The ‘what’ questions are endless. We have never seen such a “thing” as this happen before.

In the midst of so much fear and anger, I am at peace. I hear the birds sing, and am reminded that God tells us do not worry about this life. (Worry is a sin, after all, let’s not forget we don’t lean onto our own understanding, but must have the faith of our forefathers, who have been through it all. I

I am reminded every day, how Ecclesiastes tells us, there is NOTHING new under the sun. What we are going through are the same pangs and issues that were happening 2000 years ago. It all just goes by a different day and different name.

Autumn comes to allow things to settle.

How do we get through this without frustration, impatience or intolerance? …..Rely on God.

Psalm 119:114 (NIV) You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word.

What a ROCK we rely on. God is the place and the person we can be assured will be with us, even when times get tough. Stand firm. Do not waiver. Be still and know He is God. He will move and change when the appropriate time arrives. Until then, love your family. Kiss your kids a whole lot. Play games, laugh, have fun and take this laid back time to appreciate the blessings in your life. Enjoy the moment. For what it is. You are safe and secure. Praise God for that today.

Summer was…. it’s almost over… we will get through this.

These have been stressful days.

I have seen many comments, memes and blogs wanting a do over for 2020.

Interesting, isn’t it? Many of us had visions of just that: 2020 – you know.. like eyesight. If you wear glasses, as I have for fifty years now, I dream of having 2020 vision. Oh, just to wear an option cute sun glass now and again, without NEEDING clarity with those things on the bridge of my nose. Sigh. I will digress if I continue down this bunny trail! ( I say with a smile).

Let’s go back to the title that probably drew you into check out what I had to say.

Sometimes, I just like to keep it simple. Enjoy life. Can we? Yes I do believe we can.

I made a small list of suggested things to help calm your weary mind. Take the stress from the craziness in this world gone bad. Would you like to just take 20 days, and do one suggestion each day… take action: even if it be only 20 minutes a day. (get it? 2020).

for you.

breath again.

be refreshed again.

Say yes. Make this simple plan.

Enjoy the cluster of photos, grab this list. (hint take a phone shot, that way it’s with you no matter where you go).

I’d love to hear back from you; let me know how many days you took time to refresh, reflect and renew. You might gain 2020 vision again – for the better!

Remember to love.

God rewards us when we share love.

Enjoy your pet today. They adore the attention!

Remember the song by Bobby Vinton? Red Roses for A Blue Lady. It’s a sad song, but fitting for two points on the list. Music, and flowers. Both will lift us up out of the blues for the day.

Enjoy the blue skies and beautiful leaves on the trees.

©Photos By Design copyrighted

via http://www.dbpbd.com

So, today is a monumental day. For many reasons.

I am going to take a little different writing approach, as I share today. 

Broken into Beautiful. 
From Mourning and Sadness into JOY. 

 

Just two weeks ago, we celebrated Easter; 

Our biggest celebration of LIFE – everlasting life because of what Jesus did for us. 
(if you are unaware of those details, PM me, and I’d be glad to share, otherwise, I do believe most know what Salvation is, and what Christ came to do for the WORLD). 

In my studying this morning, I was reading about Saul / Paul. A Jew that persecuted those who followed Jesus, was blinded for a few days. The Lord sent Ananias (who very well may have been afraid to confront Saul because of his distaste for the Lord and his followers, and was willingly ready to kill them). But God in his amazing and most wonderful might, power and knowledge, knew Saul would turn from his wicked ways and serve Christ with ZEAL as he was filled with the Holy Spirit. 

Paul suffered much; the scourging and persecution once he became vocal as he shared who Jesus was. 
God showed him what to do, what would happen, all for the sake of sharing HIS story with US today, through the Bible. Paul was a great example for us. 

The shadow of life bring darkness, but behind it all, there is LIGHT. Be the Light in a dark world

Imagine, scales fell off of Paul’s eyes after being blinded. A representation of the old turned to new. Scales like a fish skin, is what I imagine it to be like. maybe even similar to an eye that the cataract has gone bad. Take the old lens off, to put a new lens on. (Acts 9). 

Saul’s(Paul’s) conversion was huge when he left his worldly view point to serve the Living Christ. HUGE. The terrible things he did – murder, aggression, he was educated to the max, too smart for school, if you will.  
He was a fool. He admits to being a fool. He was simply bad to the bone. 

Yet, let’s take a moment to define foolish thinking in the worlds view, vs. being a fool for the Lord. (Yes, the Bible talks about bein’ a fool – quite a few times). Paul talks about his own life in Philippians 3:1-9, and 1 Tim. 1:12-17. When we place our trust and faith in our education to get us through life, or our spouse, family members, friends, or our job, type of home we live in, the brand of car and clothing we utilize – we loose. 

——> We are lost. The stuff we accomplished becomes prideful and boastful to ourselves to say ‘LOOK WHAT I HAVE DONE. look what I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED’… me me me mememememmemeemmemememememmemeME!!!!!! (insert shaking head). 

When we (and yes, it is OK to get a degree, have a nice house and things, as long as they are not our PURPOSE to define us, it is a fine line!); loosen those ‘things’ from your soul, and simply use them as a tool, too trust God with ALL our being, it is THEN faith grows. 

When we LIVE in God, his direction, are guided by HIS word, His love, and allow the Holy Spirit to guide us, then we GAIN the world. Because it does NOT have a hold on us. 
Because when we can loose our stuff to not hold us down, we become vulnerable. 

Let’s be honest, WHO LIKES being vulnerable? N.o.b.o.d.y.!!!!!!!

Paul began to BOAST in his weaknesses; guys and girls, WE ALLLLLLL HAVE WEAKNESSES!!!!!!!!!!! Yes we do.  
But, God! He tells us in the Scriptures, that through suffering, through trials, through the junk we live through, IF WE LET God HELP IS, we can boast of what HE DID IN us and through us. 
When we live through tough stuff, and we run into the wisdom and care of our Father, through Jesus and being guided by the Holy Spirit, we win. We become fools for Christ because the WORLD lives in an economy of achievement and goals. In spite of the shipwreck, stoning etc, Paul’s faith did not waiver. 
Get that —— HE DID NOT WAIVER – he boasted with ZEAL of all God did for him. It is not what we do, but what God does in and through us, God GETS THE GLORY for OTHERS TO SEE! 

In spite of the bad God turns the junk to GOOD! 

Praise God!!!!!!!!!!!

Folks, I come to you today, on this 23rd anniversary of the sudden death of my husband who was only 38 when he died from the affects of a drunk driver. 

The month of April is still a solemn one, yet a joyful one. yes, it can be both. It is both. 

It’s a time of reflection. Hope. Tears. Smiles. Happiness and remembrances of how God in his mercy did the same for me, as he did for SAUL-PAUL. 

Just like LIFE. 

Life has GOOD AND BAD. Ups and downs. Joy and sorrow. Difficulties and easiness. 

We are living in this time of Coronna virus. A new thing that happened – supposedly quickly to our whole world. 

Lots of speculations and weariness happening to people.

I see tons of anger, denial, frustration, despair, worry, depression, confusion etc, as we live in a lock down which has been forced upon the healthy so as not to get sick. 

The world economy has stopped by maybe, 75% ish. People want to work. People want to be with family and do their thing. 

But it is an awakening. A shifting if you will.

The why questions are many. One big question I hear often is why would a good God let this happen to us? 

Why? 

Why did Jesus get scourged, beat, spit on, screamed at, accused, etc – HE WAS THE INNOCENT LAMB !!!!!! Why did HE HAVE TO feel the pain he did for YOU ?????? WHY? 

What did I do that He would love ME so much he would die for me? 
#perspective

I say all of this to come to these points: 

This situation we are in today, is a time to pull away, take the free time you have and pray. Seek God. Ask forgiveness so you have salvation, and the opportunity to become whole. A time to learn the Bible and what it says for your life. 
Change is needed. 

let me say that again. C.h.a.n.g.e is NEEDED within each of us. Including me. Yes, in you too! We all are weak, but by God’s grace, we can live like Paul with zeal for Christ. 

Guys and Gals: here is the bottom line: 

As I “celebrate” my husbands HOME GOING anniversary, I miss him, as I do my Liz, and others who have left this earth. I do NOT want them to come back to earth. This earth has NOTHING for us. they enjoy heaven and ALL it’s glory vs the ugliness in this world. 

This life, guess what: It is TEMPORARY.

Put it in your mind, one day we ALL die. 

Whether it be from a virus, disease, drunk driver, cancer or __________. 

You and I will die one day. 

Grief is real. 
When you love much you grieve much. 

Grief never goes away, it just simply shifts your life as you (hopefully) will appreciate and rejoice in the good things you shared with the loved ones. You can reflect and talk about memories, and even shed tears. It’s all OK! 

So, wherever you are today, in your pride, accomplishment’s or in your humble spirit, every day, I, you, all of us, have to wake up, as God to forgive us of our yesterday’s junk in the trunk. May the bad be washed and cleansed as we begin today, whole, forgiven, living in peace with NO fear of any virus, government, lack or any other thing. God is with us, whom shall we fear? No one. 

Let the zeal of the Lord live in each of us, even on days like today, where we think of loved ones who have gone before us. 

#AuntGeri #Brian #Liz #Loren #Doris #Cindy #Mom #Dad and all others ….. they rest in His care. Praise you Jesus. 

May we live strong, wise and bold for Christ. Amen!

Each branch has it’s own style and personality. The bark, like dry skin, has had a life of wind blown, snow driven, ice and rain whipped inside each crease. Yet, it stands the test of time. Winter strips the green life from it, much like death. But spring comes, with singing birds and blue skies as leaves grow with HOPE again.

Created by DLDesigns
© ~ Sweet Inspirations via Photos by Design ~

Midewin Trail

“What a world, what a world”, said the wicked witch as she melted to her invisible self.

We are demanded to stay in unless it’s necessary. Covid19 has taken over the world like the Wicked Witch in the Wizard of Oz tried to do.

The world has been rocked by this virus. Fear is crept into many who are afraid. Those who are now feeling isolated, I hope and pray they can reroute the mind and find the beauty and peace of this situation. In spite of the virus. Let us spend more time with family, take time to rest and reorganize.

Create the shift that will bring new things into your life. Work on your dreams, crafts, writing, things you don’t get to often hone in on.

Lean into the cross….. Pray. Find what this new season of life will bring into your heart, mind and soul. It’s gonna be a good thing when we seek the positive FROM the negative.

There were quite a few times that I felt that anxiety overtake my mind and heart while I wrote FOREVER HOPE. Being alone while writing a book is necessary. I do enjoy writing – a LOT!!!!! But day after day, weeks turning into months of aloneness can wreak havoc on the mind. But when I reviewed the book during the editing process, I began to see the fruit growing from what I wrote. ( I see the correlation of today’s confinement to the writing process).

It was NO accident that God planned for this book on HOPE to be in print for THIS time and place – during the COVID19 era.

It comes down to HOPE and FAITH and what we will DO with what God has given to us to DO.

I like to create. Words, painting, mixed media, photography, all bring me such peace. It also blesses others when I create something for someone as a gift, or sell products for others to give as a gift. You can do the same. Do you bake, write notes, garden, teach? Utilize and share what you do best with others, especially now, will lift someone’s spirit.

When I put words together it encourages people; writing words on paper AND with the computer brings joy to my heart and mind. So, when someone reads something I wrote and they say, thank you – your words have helped me ~ the moments of anxiety and seclusion I felt at some point in time, all wash away.

We don’t always see or know how effective our “work” is – until someone commends us for what we have done. The gratification may come over weeks, months or years later. But the promise of outcome is for God to open the doors at the right time.

Trusting He will help us to do the work we need to do TODAY, while in seclusion, we need to ALLOW him to do a work within us, to purify our heart, mind and soul, so we can help someone else. We have to let HIM lift our spirits. Sometimes he will whisper to our heart, bring a note into our mailbox, a voicemail on the phone or a comment on social media. As we simply obey God’s word, he will lift us up in due time. To encourage us when we need it most.

Be strong today. Be encouraged that God is doing a great thing in you while at home. Listen and pray for his guidance on who to help with the gift of love and caring. You will be blessed in return for being a good servant of the Lord.

Jesus, thank you for protecting me and my family, friends, job, neighborhood and those I know. Bless the people who are diligently working during this time of Covid19. Keep people safe from this virus. Heal those who are sick, hurting and alone. Revive our nation, help the haters find peace and love. Bring revival to our land ~~~~ today. We need you Lord, more than ever! I pray for peace – that only YOU can give. Bring salvation to those who do not know you, Lord. I love you Jesus. Help us now in this time of uncertainty. Meet the needs in a supernatural way. Amen.

You can find hope in my new book “Forever Hope”. Simply order at this Amazon link. I’d love to hear how it impacts your life. Come back and let me know once you’ve read the book.

God comforts us, and he binds the brokenness within our minds and hearts; it is by his GRACE that he fills us up, redeems us and offers a HOPE that nothing nor nobody can offer.

We are in precedented times, that we have not seen before, and some things that have gotten worse over time.

We have the threat of a virus that is killing people. But this is nothing new under the sun. Viruses and sickness became part of life when Adam and Eve disobeyed. People die every day. Why are so many people going into the depths of despair, as if we have never seen dying as a part of life? But we can’t avoid LIVING before we die. People die at all ages any more. There is NO guarantee for tomorrow. Life is a journey to the path of death and grieving. BUT WE LIVE like there is no tomorrow.

Please hear me, we need to LIVE – even when we are limited to what we can do by rules implemented upon us. It’s OKAY~ let’s LIVE, breath and have our being. I want JOY in abundance.

Mind you, I am in no way making light of this. But to shut down the economy is an astronomical situation. We are finally coming out of a recession, to very possibly plummet into something deeper – will businesses have to end up closing because of lack of sales? The food and medical industry will survive. We will always need food and doctors. Bigger than those, we NEED Jesus.

Jesus is the ONLY HOPE we can rely on.

God’s promises are YES and AMEN. we must be in the Word. the Bible is our best guide. Prayers to heaven, and then to listen and hear what God is saying to us is key.

Let’s release fear!

Gain peace.

Rise up in HOPE

Let the issues in this world happen as they may, we cannot stop the things that happen, but we have the power to pray and ask God to redeem the situations happening, which will let the world see HIS GOODNESS in the land of the living!!!

Let’s kick the devil back to hell where he belongs. He has NO power over you and I. rebuke his ploys and sickness, worry and dismay. Those are all enemies to our soul.

Here are some scriptures for you to write in your journal today, be assured of HIS hope which is in you when you rely on HIM.

Job 5:11

Job 6:11

Job 14:7

Psalm 31:24

1 Chronicles 29: 10-20

Job 21 – is Job’s discourse to the wicked,

God is doing something big and powerful in this day and time. We are not living in havoc. We are living in the power of God though Jesus Christ. God has set us apart as Christians. We are being secluded to pray and be prepared for such a time as this, like in the days of Noah.

Luke 9:27, we will see the kingdom of God draw near, right here on Earth. (read the story of Noahs Arc).

Be OPEN and READY for now. Ask God what he wants YOU to do in this time.

Let’s pray: I call to this issue of sickness, viruses, hate, discontent and all concerns we have with jobs, income, the political arena, hatred and anything against God to be cast down and rebuked and diminished. in Jesus name.

Lord, YOU are in control. I am blessed to be a blessing. I have no lack, no sickness and I am victorious by the BLOOD of Jesus

Heal us, heal our land we are strong and courageous. Let us all share in the HOPE of YOUR love God. Amen

What does the Bible say about times that seem to be out of control?

Letting go of what we cannot control, and simply trusting God in all things

Doesn’t this Corona virus seem to be out of this world type of crazy?

People are to stay in their homes, wear masks and gloves if they have to go out. We are being told how to wash our hands and how to sneeze (into a tissue or our elbow), as if we are ignorant to this simple tasks. We forget. We take life for granted. Now we have to find a NEW awakening to a (?new?) normal.

2 Timothy and the 3rd and 4th chapters are very real words written to us for this day and age. (click on the link to read the whole chapter(s).

Let’s take the time to have a cup of coffee or tea, and think about these words. People are living for their own selves. Seeking money, boasting, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, the law, government …. slandering, haughty, brutal, haters of good, unholy, trailers, deceivers and deniers of Gods power, and the list goes on.

Let’s not be gullible, and think this has become the way of life, or normal. Nothing about the list just written is normal, it’s not good, it’s quite bad. we have to check our hearts, and run to God, seeking his forgiveness. I need to do this every day, even a few times a day. I don’t want to go to bed with shame, guilt or ugliness on my hands, nor in my heart or mind. Jesus forgive me/us.

We have to manifest FAITH. Faith leads to HOPE. Hope leads to love, grace and mercy.

The peaceful knowing that God is always in charge of everything.

Let us become a people that will help others. May we teach our children the goodness of God. Good things. Not slander and ungodly attitudes.

When we are persecuted, and we will be, let us endure and not retaliate. Let us be Jesus to this dying world. That is worth repeating. Let us be Jesus to this dying world.

Why? Because if we are CHRISTians, we are like Christ. Christ endured the path to the cross, dying for us. Being there for us as a way to salvation into ETERNITY. The long term affect is life in hell or heaven. Let’s remember that.

we are to preach the WORD of God. The Kingdom is at hand. Let is be a beacon of LIGHT today to this world – they need US NOW!

Be ready to tell of His love in season and out of season. When it’s convenient and non convenient. We are to convince, rebuke, exhort with long suffering and teasing. there will be a time they will not endure sound doctrine (sound familiar?). People are led by their own desires and not listen to sound teaching. Wow. That is from ch. 4, verses 2-5.

Listen.

Pay attention.

God’s Word is real. It is relevant. The lost in this world need to know TRUTH, and sometimes it needs to be convicting, with love and care.

Let us be the Light today. Do not wait. Share the Bible and its FULL instruction, not just part of it.

The cemetery is a place of rest to those who are dead on this earth, but alive in Christ. Death is a celebration of LIFE in Christ. Photo by: Photos by Design www.dbpbd.com

Seems like many people are afraid of death.

Death is guaranteed to us on the day we are born. Some get to live a full long life. Other times babies die, children, teens or young adults. We live in a world that has numerous diseases, accidents, suicides and such. It’s sad when people die much too young. We feel robbed, especially if the person was someone we cared about.

Being a widow, and granddaughter, sister, aunt, friend, and mother, I have experienced death in many situations. Each death was very unique. The fingerprint of life was different when my Grandparents passed. They were like parents to me. When my sister-friend died, that rocked my world and still does. When we buried two still born babies, it crumbled this momma’s heart. My husband died from an accident that lead to his sudden death at thirty-eight. Way too young he was. I was too young to be called a “widow”, and my children were too young to be fatherless.

Life is not fair.

But God is good. He is in full control of our lives and he knows every detail and what we need. With that said, I have always felt like I needed to help people understand how to react to death. We as a culture never talk much about death and dying. Yet we should. It’s not as difficult as we assume it to be. One kind gesture, a hug, a card, flowers, dinner, phone call can make a world of difference to someone who is walking the path of grief. (and not just the week of the death and funeral, the gestures should go forth for years)!

With that said, some incredibly hurtful (unintentionally spoken) comments are often made. Let me point out a few of them.

“You’ll be fine”, to the person who’s heart is ACHING; their world has just be turned upside down, this comment would NOT be a kind gesture. They are NOT fine. They may not be fine for months and years to come.

“God is in control”, We know that He is. But this comment is not comforting to someone who has just buried a loved one. We know the day we are born, we WILL die. We know that God has each day numbered, it is no surprise to Him when we pass on. As well meant as it is, it’s painful. Please just simply hold the persons hand, or give them a hug. Saying this can simply pierce their heart – even to the best Christian who walks a fine line.

(*to a widow) “You can get married again“. UGGGGGGH…!!!!! WHY would a person say this to someone who has just buried their spouse?????? This so incredibly disrespectful to the couple, and to the deceased and to the widow. The person that died is IRREPLACEABLE! No!!! marriage is NOT something a widow wants to think about as he or she is grieving the spouse that passed on. It devalues their relationship, it’s borderline rude and thoughtless! You can say how much you will miss the person who died. Or offer a compliment at what a wonderful couple they were. Offer support by calling the person, or asking what you can do to help over the course of the next few MONTHS and YEARS. Oy vey, please do NOT suggest the person can remarry again. Let the person decide that much later, after the process of grief is lessoned.

(to someone who has miscarried, had a stillborn, or cannot GET pregnant): do not suggest they get pregnant again. DO NOT suggest they can adopt or foster, or this must be God’s plan for them to be childless. And NEVER assume it was some sin that made the baby die (or even to those who have a hard time getting pregnant). Don’t assume you know what God is doing. This too is heartless and a borderline mean thing to say to someone and devalues the parents, making the grief deeper.

The key is, allow the person to GRIEVE. The minimum time is a year to walk through each holiday, birthday, anniversary and holiday without the person who died. Each persons grief is like a fingerprint, unique, different and depends on the relationship, and how long the relationship has lasted.

The deeper we love, the deeper the grief.

Each person has to WALK the path of grief, which looks different for everybody. NEVER assume you know what is best for that person. Ask first. Communicate. Open the lines of heart felt talking – this is worth its weight in gold. Sometimes the simple gesture is to just be quiet and sit with the person. (now, THAT is a test of our strength, to be still, be quiet, and know that God is with us during these times).

This is one of the most important subjects we NEED to talk about in life. It IS a part of life, whether we like it or not. It’s tough. It’s exhausting at times. It’s sad. We don’t like seeing people crying and in distress. But tears do need to flow. Joy comes in the morning. Jesus IS with us when we lean on him.

I hope this small list helps to make the undaunting task of what to say (or not to say) helpful. It’s so important to BE there for the living. Respect the deceased, keep their memory alive, and watch for ques on what to say to the family that is alive and trying to find their new normal.